I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
