why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
