Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
