you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
