if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
