I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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