I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
