hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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