My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
