i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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