Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
