Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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