we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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