I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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