Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sober January is a disaster.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
