please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
