I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
