How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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