I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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