I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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