this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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