He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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