Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
