Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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