just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
