mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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