Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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