Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
