Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize