Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
