It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
