i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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