I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
