He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
