Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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