my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
