Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
