I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize