another moral hangover. fuck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
