It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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