we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
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He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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