we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
