I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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