im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
