I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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