Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
