I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
