last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
