my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
