drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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