Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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