I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
