you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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