You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
