Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
