I wish I could teleport
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
