dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
