She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
