I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
