hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
