Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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