At least make sure they are 18
Why
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
