FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
